"I live to make other people happy."

I sigh as a read those words from the chat message.  I know that once again, I've come up against this guy's uncompromising, all-consuming life philosophy.

He's just 26, pursuing a masters degree so he can teach English.  He loves sports and is the closest thing to a genuine Casanova that I know.

He's also chronically ill, perhaps terminally.  He won't say.  I know his kidneys are failing, though he won't say why or how.  His doctor says he needs a transplant, but he hates the idea of taking one.  "Someone else might need it more," he says.  He's been through dialysis once already and barely walked away with his life.  The experience was so hard, he's told me if he ever has to go back, he'll refuse treatment.  He'd literally rather die, and he might wind up doing just that, within a few years.

He's also lost.  He says he's going to Hell and he knows it.  He makes jokes about it sometimes, but he doesn't think its funny.  Neither do I.  I don't know how many times I've told him the Gospel.  He knows it.  He says he understands it, and I believe him.  He just doesn't want it.  The idea of someone else suffering for him is just too much for him.  His life is all about suffering for other people.  He laughs and says, "I like to tell people I'm the sheep that got lost while it was chasing away the wolf."  I'd like to tell him his position sounds and is just as stupid as that analogy.  Sheep that chase wolves only succeed in providing really easy appetizers.

But I don't say that.  I just heave a sigh, open the chat window, and try to change the topic.  I know I won't get anywhere with him.  He's blinded by the apparent nobility of "living to make other people happy."  In a way, I guess I am too.

Yesterday, I got a job offer.  It wasn't much, just a two-day affair really, but my Dad had talked his boss into getting it for me.  He suggested that, to avoid the heat of the day, I come with him to work the next morning at 5.  I knew from experience that right now I have trouble falling asleep before 10:30.  Getting up at 5 would be murder and I knew it.  I would be miserable for the rest of the day.  Yet when God broke in on my thoughts and told me not to go, I seriously objected.  "How am I supposed to refuse this?  My Dad went to so much trouble...how can I say no?"  Yes, my Dad had gone to some trouble (probably not a lot) to get this little job offer.  Yes, it would mean $160 dollars in the bank, and yes, he really wants me to be saving up money for college and afterwards.  But I never asked him to dig up this offer and there are ways to make money that don't involve soul-crushingly early mornings.  Why did I feel compelled to accept just because he was offering?

Today, I'm doing the dishes.  I don't want to do them, but they need doing.  Someone else in the house mentioned them first and everyone moaned and groaned at the prospect, so I volunteered.  I don't want to do the dishes and I know it's distracting me from what I should be focusing on today, but I don't want to disappoint everybody.  I feel compelled to do it in order to avoid displeasing them.

I think that's really what a great deal of my resistance is about.  God has so many wonderful things planned for my life (I'm not just or even mainly talking about the last two posts--I've noticed that despite the warnings they've gathered quite a bit of pageviews).  They tug at my heart, but I resist.  Writing takes a long time, I think.  And for years you have nothing to show for it: what will people think of me?  My webcomic is fun, but it doesn't make any money, people with think I'm just a bum.  Gee, I can't even get my posts up on time!  They'll think I'm a failure too.  The thoughts keep coming.  And yes, there's also: There's nothing people see as less spiritual than liking a girl.  What will people think if they know I'm praying about her all the time?  What'll they think of me if they know how big of a deal it is in my spiritual life?  It doesn't matter that I know better.  It doesn't matter that I have a lot of good stories to show for my writing and that, eventually, I'll have much more.  It doesn't matter that the point of the webcomic isn't to make money or that it requires real work.  It doesn't matter that I have done my best to get the posts up on time and have legitimate reasons for why it wasn't possible.  It doesn't even matter that I know that God understands all this and is screaming for me to just slow down and follow Him.  I resist because I'm afraid of disappointing people.

My mind goes back to the absurd figure of the lost young man, visibly wasting, who swears to give his life to make other people happy.  No one asked him to do it, people have offered just the opposite, but he insists even though in his condition he really can't even make himself happy, let alone everyone else.  Making other people happy is his life, though, and often isn't it ours?  We're nice people, every one of us, but we're killing ourselves and accomplishing nothing because this wasn't how our lives were meant to be.

It's worth noting that the idea of making the happiness of others the center-point of our lives is totally un-Biblical.  Yes, the Bible does say, "Love your neighbor as yourself" and "Bear one another's burdens," yet it also says that another command comes before loving our neighbor and that we are to bear one another's burdens in order to fulfill the law of Christ--not in order to make one another happy (Matthew 22:37-39 and Galatians 6:2).  It is worth noting, too, that there is no verse that says the point of our existence is to please other people.  Our Maker knows why He made us, and even goes to the trouble to spell it out.  Proverbs 16:4 says, "The Lord has made all for Himself."  We don't really struggle with that when it comes to contemplating the furthest galaxy away (which humankind will never see) or subatomic physics (which humankind will never really understand, it seems--but then I am not a physics major!).  Of course God made those things for Himself.  We probably don't even really struggle when it comes to rocks and tress.  But this verse is talking about people:

The Lord has made all for Himself, Yes, even the wicked for the day of doom.

Think about it.  God says He made everything, even Hitler and that crabby guy who just cut you off, for Himself.  Now if that's true, what are the odds He made you and me to please people?  "The Lord made everything for Himself, even the wicked--but He made Aaron purely to fulfill other people's expectations and make them happy."  That isn't a verse in the Bible.  The Bible is clear, from numerous passages, that we were made for God's sole pleasure, enjoyment, and glory.  That gives a strong answer to all my people-pleasing thoughts.  God made me to glorify Himself, not so that my Dad would have a son who would never disappoint Him.  I was made to please God, not be productive.  I exist to bring God pleasure, not to fulfill other's expectations.

Now it's true that God has given us commands on how to relate properly to one another and that following them may very well make other people happy (sometimes).  I'm not downplaying the importance of loving other people.  What I'm saying is that we've made others into idols, and we have made far too little of loving God--which is our only true purpose.

So, today, I did the dishes, but only when God told me to, when the Spirit directed me over there because I needed time to digest what I'd just written here, in order to apply it for His glory.  Tomorrow, I'll accept my Dad's offer, but on different terms.  I'll work four days of evenings instead of killing myself for two early mornings.  The time outside will bring me closer to my Maker, especially when sunset comes--the gardens I'll be weeding will have the best seats in the house!

As for my friend, he says in a few days he might be driving across the country to get back together with a girl he doesn't really want to be with anymore.  I doubt God wants him to be with her either, but, as he says, "I live to make other people happy."

And I live for a higher purpose.

My Unconventional Relationship: Part 3, Intimacy

Here, I come to a very difficult part in my recollections of my unconventional relationship with God.  I will attempt to describe in this post some rare and incredible moments and experiences.  I'm not sure I can describe them accurately though, and I know that what I have to say will sound extreme to anyone without some sort of background understanding of mysticism or some special spiritual experiences of their own.  If this doesn't describe you, what I say probably will make zero sense to you and you might find it very offensive.  Please, don't forget about that "back" button on your browser.  They say it's the most commonly used button on the internet, and if you feel you have to use it now, I understand.

My Unconventional Relationship: Part 2, Speech

Here, I continue my recollection of my relationship with God.  Specifically, I want to write here about how God communicates to me.  It's a very real part of my spiritual life, an almost daily occurrence that can guide my decisions at all levels from something as big as my general career path to something as small as which way I turn out of the driveway.  He does not always guide me so, sometimes simply because I am unwilling to let Him and sometimes because He leaves the decision entirely in my hands, but at times He does express Himself on every topic.

My communication with God is also a highly controversial part of my spiritual life.  There are some Christian figures today who seem to proclaim it is normal and healthy, such as John Eldredge.  But I've also seen a book discouraging people from seeking the kind of guidance from God that I've experienced.  A friend of mine and a respected man of the church I attend in Fort Collins has repeatedly expressed his opinion that such contact with God is un-Biblical and warned me personally that it made me more vulnerable to sin.  His reasoning was that if God told me, say, to buy a red car instead of a blue car, then it would be sin for me to buy a blue car.  But, if God told me nothing, then I could buy either color car without sinning.  I thank my friend for his concern (if he's reading this, he knows who he is), but I find his argument unappealing and somewhat misleading.  I could as well say that reading the Bible is sin, because it (in exactly the same way) makes me more vulnerable to sin.  After all, if I read in the Bible that there is no God but the Lord and that He will not tolerate the worship of any other god besides Himself, then naturally it would be a sin for me to then go out and pray to idols.  But if I have never read the Bible nor heard any such thing, might I not innocently assume that there are lots of gods out there and that the Lord won't get jealous if I pray to one or two on the side?  Taken to this extreme, the argument falls apart.  Communication with God always reveals potentials for sin, and sometimes that is exactly God's point in communicating (Romans 7:7-9 for example).  As for whether or not it is Biblical, that I cannot say for certain.  The Bible often declares that God said something without revealing exactly how it was said.  Was it an audible voice?  Was it a voice inside the person's head?  Was it through fire in the sky, the flight of birds, fish guts, the casting of lots, or omens?  Usually, the Bible ignores the question and skips to the important part of delivering God's message.  What is clear from the Bible, especially the books of the prophets and historical books (though examples exist in the New Testament as well), is that God does "speak" to people in a variety of ways on pretty much every topic of life, from when and how to go to war (2 Samuel 5:19-25) to whom to marry and what to name one's children (Hosea 1:2-4).

Nevertheless, I am aware that hearing from God is a controversial topic and that claiming it sounds insane and potentially heretical.  Thus, I rarely mention it and have openly described it probably only three or four times in my life (and those in complete confidentiality).  Yet my relationship with God, my life, and this blog (which is, as I've said before, is more open and honest then I usually am--and thus alludes to hearing from God quite frequently) make no sense without it, so I will write about it.  If you find this offends you, remember what I said last time about the back button.  It's still there, in the upper left-hand corner of your screen and I'm sure it still works just fine.

My Unconventional Relationship: Part 1, Pursuit

It's said that every Christian has a real personal relationship with God.  I believe that's the way it's supposed to be.  Surely Jesus's words in John 17 and the analogies God uses to convey His relationship with us leads to this conclusion.  I have become convinced of it in my own life.  For most of my life, I cannot say I've had a personal relationship with God.  I had what I called a spiritual life, which was something of a business arrangement: I do my part by doing all the things any good "Christian" should and God does His part--that cross-thing and whatever crumbs of favor He decided to throw my way.  Now, I cannot say my relationship with God resembles anything so near as an intimate personal relationship, a romantic relationship with all the trimmings.  I don't know if this is typical of Christians.  It's not something I've ever discussed before--for fear of sounding like a lunatic, mostly.  I need to write it down now, though, if for no other purpose but to remind myself.

By the way, reader, this is your warning: if you keep reading, you may come to the conclusion that I'm totally and blasphemously insane.  If you find that a young man speaking frankly of having a romantic relationship with the Deity is unbelievable or even offensive, then feel free to hit that little back arrow on your browser right now.  Trust me, I'll understand.  A few years ago, I probably would have hit it, too.

The Wisdom of Sects

This week, our pastor started a series on different denominations within Christianity (specifically Protestant denominations, since we Protestants have so many of them coexisting in the same areas).  Our church is Independent Baptist and the first denomination we talked about was Methodist.  It was really more of an overview of the denomination as represented on the United Methodist website and I won't go into it here.  That's not what I'm here to write about today.  What I'd like to talk about is Christian denominations and sects themselves.

Now, I understand that this is a sensitive area for a lot of people.  The very fact that there are different denominations in Christianity has caused puzzlement and embarrassment to many Believers.  I remember myself experiencing these emotions when the subject came up in talking to a Mormon and also a Jehovah's Witness--both of which are non-Christian cults and should not be confused with legitimate Christian denominations, though Mormonism has recently launched an ad campaign to "Christianize" itself in the eyes of the world (Jehovah's Witnesses teach that Jesus was Michael the Archangel--contrary to Hebrews 1, and numerous other passages--and that he only died for Adam's sin and that we must atone for our own faults through hard work and evangelism--contrary to 1 John 2:2 and Ephesians 2:8-9--; Mormonism teaches that Jesus was just one of an infinite pantheon of gods, including a divine couple that physically parented Jesus, Satan, and all of us together...and that we can all ascend to godhood ourselves with our families if we are really good Mormons--and if any of that sounds remotely Christian to you, I suggest you go back and reread your Bible from the beginning).  Both the Mormon and the Jehovah's Witness flatly rejected the truth claims made by legitimate Christians because, they said, "Mainline Christianity is so fragmented."  "There are over a thousand different denominations within Christianity, but we know that Jesus wanted his church to be one," said a smug Mormon. "Mainline Christianity is fragmented into denominations and sects.  It's not one, so it's not of God.  The Chruch of Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints [Mormonism] is one, so it must be of God!"  Unfortunately, his logic proved self-refuting when I pointed out that there are a hundred or more sects within Mormonism as well, with various degrees of legitimacy.  The same is no doubt true on some level of the Jehovah's Witnesses, though they will deny it.

And though the cultists are defeated by their own arguments and the blatant lies their teachers try to hold up against Scripture, a burning question remains in my mind and in the mind of many Christians (I feel) who have faced similar arguments: why do we have sects and denominations within Christianity?  Why would God allow this to happen to His Church?  Some propose to borrow a solution from the cults' arguments and say that only one denomination is the true Church and every other denomination represents a group that fell away (to one degree or another).  But the problem is, which group is true, then?  All Christian denominations agree on virtually every point: the Trinity, salvation by grace through faith, the Bible as the word of God, Jesus as the Son of God, the crucifixion covering all our sins, the resurrection on the third day, the future resurrection and heavenly reward of all believers and the future resurrection and eternal damnation of all unbelievers, the duty of the Church to win the lost...the list goes on and on.  Denominations are split along the finer lines of differing interpretations of doctrines and different methods of church governance--matters where either the Bible says nothing at all or what it says can be legitimately interpreted either way.  So, since there is no real distinction in the truth content of any of the denominations, how can we mark one as the true Church and the others as "deceived"?  Usually the person trying to use this solution will betray the fleshly arrogance of their solution by arbitrarily marking their own denomination as the one true Church and branding all others as heretics.  This is no solution unless we really want to get caught up in "church politics" which have everything to do with human ambition and pride and nothing to do with God.

So, why the denominations?  Why would God allow something so horrible to happen to His Church as to allow it to be divided in such a way?  Let me propose something radical: the denominations are, in part, God's plan and God's wisdom for the Church.

Please, before you tar and feather me, allow me to explain how I came to this conclusion.  As I said, this week, we were discussing the denomination of the Methodists.  One thing the pastor noted was that Methodists were famous for their social activism.  The United Methodist website not only has statements on evangelism and moral issues like homosexuality, but also on recycling and disaster relief.  The pastor asked a question: "How socially involved should a church be?"  I didn't know, so I responded with a related question: "How socially involved should a Christian be?"  The Bible holds no clear answers.  There is no verse saying, "Thou shalt recycle," nor one that says, "He who recycleth shalt thou cut off from the congregation."  The Bible contains examples of Christians who were very socially active and those who were more withdrawn.  Neither are said to be more or less righteous, as far as I know.  I said that I supposed it came down to a matter of personal conviction and preference, which Christians are at liberty to have as outlined in Romans 14.  "So, if you're more socially minded, it would make sense for you to join a Methodist church," said the pastor.  That's when it clicked for me.  That's when I saw the wisdom of sects, or, to put it another better way--the wisdom of differences.

The fact of the matter is that every human being is unique and salvation doesn't change that.  God doesn't overwrite us on salvation with a nice uniform Baptist or Methodist (or whatever denomination or non-denomination you'd like to name) mentality.  In fact, He seems to delight in our differences and increases them by giving us all different spiritual gifts.  What one church group can minister to all the diverse needs and use all the diverse strengths of such a mixed crew?  The answer is simple: none.  You can no more serve the needs of every Christian with one branch of Christianity with one uniform-to-the-last-minutia set of beliefs and practices than you can fit every Christian on Earth into a single church building every Sunday morning.  God is aware of this and gave us the liberty to have differences of opinion and allowed for us to have fellowship with Christians who understand things exactly the way we do.  I think this diversity is a part of His plan.  The Church is His body and, as the Bible says, "The body does not consist of one part but of many" (1 Cor 12:14).  What a disaster it would be if our entire body were composed of brain cells!  We wouldn't be able to stand or hold a shape.  We'd have some really great thoughts though in the few seconds we were able to survive without blood, oxygen, and an immune system--and that'd be it!  Thankfully God in his wisdom made our bodies of many billions of distinct types of cells and further set them in different parts with different functions.  Similarly perhaps He creates different churches and brings different sorts of Christians to each of them so that each church may fulfill its own unique role.  Then, having over a thousand different denominations and sects doesn't make mainline Christianity false or a disappointment to Christ: the diversity actually serves His cause.

There is one thing, though, that does not serve the cause of Christ, and on this point the Bible is very clear: Christian in-fighting.  When we judge each other because of our differences--which the Romans 14:4 & 10-14 clearly forbids--we elevate ourselves and our distinctive nature above that of others.  In our worldly pride, we're like the eye saying, "Because I see, I'm better than the ear" or even "I see and the ear doesn't: therefore, the ear isn't really a part of the body" (1 Corinthians 12:12-27).  We argue and bicker.  We put one another down.  We play organizational politics like unbelievers.  We label ourselves and each other based upon that which divides us rather than the identity in Christ which we all share.  In this, we clearly sin.