Time, Water, and Priorities, Downstream

Yesterday I went hiking with my family to the waterfall here at Snow Mountain Ranch!  It was a really nice hike, but on our way up we discovered that the stream was swollen from snowmelt and the trail was muddy. Not far from the trailhead, we actually found a rivulet of water running down the trail.  We had to step to the side to avoid it and eventually chose to walk the back portion of the loop in order to keep out of the mud and water.  On the way back down, though, we tried the portion of trail we had not yet hiked.  What we found surprised me.  We knew there were beavers in the area and had seen several old, broken dams down by the trailhead.  But on our way back we passed a new dam, one which had been built halfway across the trail.  The beavers had choked off the swollen stream and diverted part of it (quite unintentionally) onto the walking trail.  This was the rivulet that we'd observed earlier, flowing down much of the length of the trail simply because upstream a ways a beaver had decided to build a dam partway across the path.  I was surprised to see how a seemingly insignificant collection of sticks lying halfway across the trail could create a hazard for so much of the rest of the trail.

Later, I was talking with my Dad.  Somehow we got onto the topic of time management and parental responsibility came up.  He mentioned how, at one point when he was a youth pastor, he'd realized he was spending more time with other people's children than with his own.  He knew it was a common problem.  Lots of times preacher's kids turn out rotten or leave the faith because their father is always too involved in other people's lives and spiritualities to take care of problems in his own home.  Judging from the Bible, this isn't unique to our own times.  My namesake, the brother of Moses, was the first High Priest of Israel, but his sons got out of hand and were killed for offering "strange fire" to God.  Eli the priest in the beginning of 1 Samuel similarly could not manage his children.  Samuel himself was not immune, since when the people demand a king one of their reasons is that Samuel's sons "do not walk in your ways" (1 Samuel 8:5).  David and Solomon are two godly fathers whose households were positively famous for their manageability.

It's an easy thing to do.  These days, as my Dad pointed out, people live to pursue their own dreams, most often.  While he didn't say there was anything wrong with that, certainly a lifestyle choice that puts one's own goals and desires ahead of anything else leaves no room or a spouse or children.  "If you're going to live that kind of life, it's unfair to invite anyone else into it: and that's what you do when you marry and have a family," he said.

Even if one puts apparently selfless interests first, the result can be the same.  I happened upon the blog of a young Christian leader recently.  He's married and just became a father, but the schedule he's posted for his day-to-day life (I don't know why he posted one, but he did) shows he's already a very busy man.  He works each day till almost 7 o'clock and spends every weekday evening in church activities, usually discipling other men.  Weekends he's similarly busy and reports the only significant chunk of time he has to be at home with his wife (other than morning Bible studies at 8) is on Sunday, when (of course) he has to attend church and afterward help her rush through uncompleted household chores, after which they're both apparently so exhausted all they can do is pop in a movie and veg out on the couch!  There's no doubt this man has good intentions.  Every moment of his time is dedicated to church, God, and building into the lives of other men.  But what about his decision to spend comparatively little time romancing his wife and maintaining their relationship, which is to be a picture of the union between Christ and the Church, in the flesh?  In his latest post, his daughter has been born (quite a miraculous gift from God), and while he acknowledges that she is now his God-given responsibility, he's also noted that she's become a disruption to his times of prayer and Bible-reading.  "The best way to love her is to keep pursuing Christ and His love for me," he writes.  But will that mean that keeping up with his meetings with other men and their families will take priority over raising his daughter to love God and do what's right?  Will she suffer great harm for the sake of a little good built into the lives of strangers?  Will their marriage suffer?  Only time will tell.  It seems a little sacrifice now, just a few branches in the path, easily stepped over, but downstream it might have unforeseen consequences, making the whole trail impassible with mud and water.

This is why my father, when he saw he was more involved with other children than his own, took a step back from the ministry (he didn't leave it, but he made sure his priority was at home).  Perhaps this is also why the Bible explicitly states that no man should be made an elder unless he manages his household well and has godly children.  Otherwise the temptation to think his real job is outside the home might be too great, leaving his children practically fatherless and his wife a lonely married woman (which ought to be a contradiction in terms).

I'm glad my father made the decisions he did.  Now, as he was just telling us, his coworkers praise him for his children, so well-behaved and accomplished: all of them college graduates, godly Christians, and intelligent people (I'm a novelist and my sisters are both in physics...am I adopted?  Haha!).  Much good has come from his decision to step back and re-prioritize.  I know intellectually that when I start a family of my own my priorities need to be similar: reflecting that my real job is not my 9 to 5 shift or my fantasy series, but my family.  I only hope God helps me make the decision practically as well as intellectually when the time comes, and that in the meantime He'll help me keep my priorities straight as a single man, for I cannot know what fruit they'll bear downstream...