Scattered Thoughts

I've been wanting to write another post here for a while.  Now I suppose I'm going to write several all together here and just hope it makes sense.  Even if it doesn't, it will feel good to get it out there.

I've been meaning to finish up my previous post on Psalm 139.  I don't know if I'll finish it, but I did want to add on to it.  The psalmist begins by talking about how God knows him so completely and utterly. God knows when he rises, when he sits, where he goes and when, and even knows what he is going to say before  he says it.

In truth, God goes beyond simply knowing us.  He is not some distant figure in the heavens peering down on us.  He possesses us.  We are His.  From the moment of our birth, and even before, He sees us and makes up plans for our lives.  He surrounds us with His presence day in and day out, even as we sleep.  We cannot escape from Him.  The psalmist goes to great lengths to illustrate this last point.  Beginning at verse seven, the psalmist writes of how he cannot escape God's knowledge and presence even if he tries.  If he goes up into Heaven, God is there; if he descends into Hell, God is there; if he flees at the speed of light itself to the remotest corner of the universe, even there God will be with him.  Even if he cloaks himself in darkness (whether spiritual or physical), God's gaze pierces the darkness: it does not inhibit Him in the least.

Such an omnipresent personal force could be truly terrifying.  It reminds me a bit of the "Creepy Doll" song.

Everywhere the character turns, the creepy doll is there, watching, waiting, and obviously hostile.  But God's presence isn't threatening like that.  It can be threatening, I'll admit: He encroaches on our sense of privacy, our independence, and most of all on our belief that we are the self-sufficient sovereigns over our own lives and worlds.  But He does not encroach on all this because He intends to ruin us.  He encroaches because He intends to rescue us.  All through the Psalm it speaks of God's actions in terms of protection and guidance.  You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me (verse 5).  If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me and your right hand shall hold me (verses 9-10).  We are drowning in our privacy (read loneliness), our independence (read isolation), in the pressure of trying to be enough for all of our needs all by ourselves.  Christ comes and rescues us from all of that, protects us from ongoing damage and leads us out.

That reminds me of another thing I wanted to mention.  There's this song that's been going through my head a lot the past few weeks--and no, it's not about a creepy doll!  It's one of the new Taylor Swift songs, "State of Grace."  I confess I had to listen to it a few times before I actually had a clue what the song was about.  Once I did, though, I immediately saw how it applied to myself and God, especially right now.

The lyrics for this song are very hard to find online.  So far I haven't found one listing that doesn't foul them up.  Honestly, people, how hard is it to just buy the album at Walmart and open the insert to page 2?  All the lyrics are printed right there, no guesswork.  They're listed here for your convenience.  Copyright Taylor Swift.

I'm walking fast through the traffic lights

Busy streets and busy lives

and all we know

is touch and go

We are alone with our changing minds

We fall in love till it hurts or bleeds or fades in time 

And I never

saw you coming

And I'll never

be the same

You come around and the armor falls

Pierce the room like a cannonball

Now all we know

is don't let go

We are alone, just you and me

Up in your room, and our slates are clean

Just twin fire signs

Four blue eyes 

So you were never a saint

And I loved in shades of wrong

We learn to live with the pain

Mosaic broken hearts

But this love is brave and wild! 

And I never

saw you coming

And I'll never

be the same 

This is a state of grace

This is the worthwhile fight

Love is a ruthless game

unless you play it good and right

These are the hands of fate

You're my Achilles heel

This is the golden age of something good and right and real 

And I never

saw you coming

And I'll never

be the same

And I never

saw you coming

And I'll never

be the same 

This is a state of grace

This is the worthwhile fight

Love is a ruthless game

unless you play it good and right.

Where I work, the environment is very fast paced.  Customers don't stop piling into your line just because you're tired and can barely keep your eyes open, or you had to skip breakfast and your fingers are beginning to tremble from hunger.  Your break is coming, sure, but it's only a few minute respite.  Even if you get off, it's a few hours, maybe a few days, during which you never really seem to recover, and then you're back on the line again.  It can be exhausting, but it's life as the world offers it.  Keep moving, keep producing, keep working, harder, faster, stronger, smarter than the next guy.  You have to get ahead--and stay ahead--of everybody else if you ever want your life to count...and did I mention that the definition of "ahead' is always racing along faster than you could hope to run yourself?

There are respites, of course.  There's a sympathetic chat with a customer, a few words with a friend, a small space of relaxation.  There's something in those moments that touches my parched soul--but then I have to go again, I have to keep busy.  And it seems the end result of being busy is being alone.  I don't have time to really understand and be with people and have them really understand and be with me.  I don't have time to understand myself, to really understand the wounds of my past, my present, to see how I've changed and evaluated it.  I just have to keep moving.  This is the break-neck pace of my private, independent, self-sufficiently sovereign life...and it might literally break my neck!

But like the psalm says, God is inescapable and He comes to guard and to guide.  He always seems to show up when I don't expect Him.  I never see Him coming.  He pierces all my business, all my defenses, all my armor, in the most unexpected ways, and cuts right to my heart.  Though I may be surrounded by bustling customers, I feel as though I am alone with Him, just the two of us.  All the things I think I have to do in order to count aren't there with us.  All the things I'm trying to make up for aren't either.  No, He isn't proper (the prudish way I think of proper) to barge in like this and sweep all of this oh-so-important rubbish aside.  But He's right.  No, I don't deserve it.  I've done worse than loved a few shades of wrong, but my slate is clean.  He went through Calvary to make it so, in order to get me here, alone, with Him.  It's wonderful!

I'm not truly alone, though.  There are still customers bustling.  The pressures of the day are right there, waiting to pounce on me, as is the temptation to battle them all alone in my self-sufficiency.  But God is here to.  I live with the blessing of His presence, the blessings of Heaven itself, while mucking through life on Earth.  It is a fight to keep this in my mind, but it's a worthwhile one and I'm not alone in it.  God has written my life story, and He is my destiny.  When all else fails, He knows my weaknesses and exploits the chinks in my armor of isolation to open me up to Him once more.  Love and life can be a ruthless and pointless game, but it never is with Him.  He plays it good and right, for He is Good and Right!

There are some more scattered thoughts floating around in my brain, but I'll save them.  For now, I've found a good stopping point, and I'll seize it.