Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for Her, that He might sanctify Her, having cleansed Her by the washing of water with the Word, so that He might present the Church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that She might be holy and without blemish [blameless]. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the Church, because we are members of His Body. "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the Church.
A lot of Christians I know have decided to pick out what they call a "life verse" from the Bible. It's usually one of their favorite verses, but it's more than just a favorite. Whereas a favorite verse is just a verse you find particularly striking or appealing (and, if you're like me, you highlight it in your Bible with a little colored pencil so you can read it again and again later), a life verse is a verse that--more than anything else--seems to speak directly to your life, your purpose, your mission and goal, by God's grace.
I've heard a few messages where, at one point the speaker--excited by his or her own life verse (which they've just shared)--will encourage everyone else to find a life verse somewhere in the Bible. Every time that's happened, I've thought to myself, Well, that does sound like it would be really cool and godly. Maybe I should do that. So, I'd go looking through my favorite verses, but I'd never find anyone verse that was really that profound, that all-encompassing, for my life...until now.
To be sure, this is not the first time I've ever read Ephesians 5:25-32. It's been a favorite of mine for years, but lately I've been noticing how much it and the concepts it presents keep cropping up in my life. Actually, that's not quite accurate. It would be more accurate, perhaps, to say that this passage, in all it's meanings, dominates (to a large extent) my inner life--and it is my desire that it would dominate there even more in the future. Perhaps it would be best if I explained what this verse means to me and how it came to be so important to me--how it became my life verse.
I guess I first noticed this verse while I was still in high school. At that point, was, of course, unmarried and couldn't see myself getting married for a while. Thus, I didn't feel like much of the passage was really talking to me. I wasn't a husband and I didn't have a wife that I needed to be loving "as Christ loved the Church." However, that last part did get my attention: here the Bible was saying that Jesus loved the Church the way a husband (ideally) loves his wife. I knew at that point that I was a part of the Church, and it was incredible to think that God would extend that kind of love toward me. In fact, at the time, it was too incredible for me. I did not, could not, at first grasp that this verse was talking about me personally and how much Christ loved me. To me, Christ's love was something I usually viewed as more general rather than personal--since personally I was sure I was not lovable. Christ loved Christians, and I was sort of grandfathered into that, I felt.
However, this is not so. As I would learn later, Christ's love in it's totality really is personal, even to me. His death on the cross cleanses all who trust Him of their sin and guilt, making them worthy to receive His love--even I have been affected this way. Due to the individual nature of Christ's love, the passage could as well read:
Husbands love your wives, as Christ loved Aaron and gave Himself up for him, that He might sanctify him, having cleansed him by the washing of water with the Word, so that He might present Aaron to Himself in splendor, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that he might be holy and blameless. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does Aaron, because he is a member of His Body. "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and Aaron.Every time I see it, such as when I was rewriting those verses just now, the immensity of Christ's love for me stuns me and brings me to the edge of elation or tears (or both). These past four years of college (going on five--yep, I'm doing my four-year degree in five), Christ has made me aware of His love for me in so many ways. He has convinced me of it, and I have fallen in love with Him until all I really want to do is just fall deeper.
Paul was right in that last verse: the profound mystery of the union of a husband and a wife is something that speaks of the union between Christ and the Church--between Christ and every believer. It is, I've found, the best analogy and description of how I relate to Christ in my own life. I know it sounds cliche, but in my own life--this past year especially--I've found that the best way to describe the way I relate to God (though admittedly not the only way to describe it) is as the sort of loving relationship that exists between a man and wife (more on this in the first three parts of my Unconventional Relationship series of posts, from June of this year).
But the love of Christ for me isn't all I see in this verse. Over the past two or so years, I've seen another meaning in it, one that speaks to the ideal relationship between a husband and a wife. I always knew that meaning was there (it's fairly obvious), but, as I said before, it didn't stand out to me at first because I wasn't married and didn't plan on being for some time. As it stands now, I'm still not married--I'm not even in a relationship (and never have been)--and yet something has changed.
Three years ago (approximately), God began telling me that it was His will that I get married someday--that, in some sense, it was my destiny. At first, I did not think too much of it. I had always wanted a relationship (well, that's an exaggeration--like all boys, I once thought girls had cooties) and figured I would get married at some point (as the only boy of my family, I realized pretty early that if our family name was to continue, it was on me to do the continuing--not that this is so very important these days). What God was telling me wasn't so very surprising at first. I waited around, praying about it, and expecting that one day He'd just some pretty young lady in my lap and we'd get married and it would all be fun, romance, and adventures. Then, about a year ago, I was reading John Eldridge's Wild At Heart and came across a chapter that took a real Biblical look at what marriage was supposed to be like. It isn't all fun and games, and from that perspective, God's promise of a wife to me wasn't some flippant little blessing: it was a mission, a calling to love another human being in a radical, sacrificial way. A paraphrase that emphasizes this in the passage is from The Message Bible (published by NavPress):
Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the Church--a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the Church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything He does is designed to bring out the best of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And this is how husbands ought to love their wives.When I first saw God's promise to me in that light, it changed my outlook on relationships. It made me appreciate that marriage wasn't just a treat God had for me: it was something He wanted me to do. It was a command, a mission, a good work that needed to be done. I accepted it, and it changed my life. It grew in my life. Over the past few months, God has been impressing me with the importance of the quest of marriage with which He has charged me. It is not a side-quest or a mere training mission. If I really accept this quest, this will be what my life is about: my life will be about living out Ephesians 5:25-32 with the woman God will give me as my wife.
Now, I am keenly aware that this might raise red flags in the minds of some of you. After all, our lives are supposed to center around God, right? As a Christian, I've been taught that one of our highest (and indeed, it is sometimes portrayed as our only) callings is the Great Commission, to go and share the gospel with the world--which is generally interpreted as meaning simply evangelism. How can something that doesn't involve sharing the Bridge illustration with people be the point of any Christian's life?
These were the questions I've been asking myself and God during the past few months, but I find that they stem from false assumptions about the nature of marriage and the Great Commission. To start with, it is too narrow to think of the Great Commission as simply "go and tell people 'Jesus died for your sins.'" There are a multitude of ways to fulfill the Great Commission, and many of them don't involve speaking at all. One of these ways is marriage. As Ephesians 5:25-32 says, the way a husband treats his wife in marriage is to be an exact picture of how Christ treats the Church, of how He loved the Church as He offered up His life on the cross. In other words, marriage is intended to be a picture of the cross--and thus, marriage is a possible way to fulfill the Great Commission on an individual basis. Not only that, but marriage is a very important way to fulfill the Great Commission and glorify God. A good marriage can effect the whole world around it, inspiring and encouraging couples and singles alike with the love it displays. If the marriage produces children (as is usual), then this influence can continue for generations, with the children and grandchildren and even great-grandchildren being built up in their youths by the love they see in this marriage and going on to express that same love (the love of God) in their own marriages. Marriage is a critical calling in the work of spreading the gospel and sharing the love of Christ--indeed, without it the entire human race would swiftly cease to exist.
Now, I don't say this to tell you, reader, what your life is to be about. That's for God to decide. There are, to be sure, a wide variety of legitimate callings out there, and not every person is called to be married. But I know I am, and Ephesians 5:25-32 is what my life is about.
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